Today, I
by shadowgrave22
Summary: Diary entries of all the Cullens/Hales including Bella. Maybe even some La Push werewolves! Oh, and Charlie. But no one cares about him.
1. Emmett's Chapter: Bob The Pony

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. However, I do own a monkey named Bob. Jk, but I WISH! IF YOU WISH HARD ENOUGH, ALL YOUR DREAMS WILL COME TRUE!!!!!**

_Dear Diary,_

_Today I had a bad day! Today we went on a field trip to the zoo to study animals! It would've been fun, but the stupid teacher said we had to take notes and as soon as we were done to go to the next animal! So, you know what I did? I threw an apple at his head! Not really sure who's apple it was, but it was hard! It gave him a concussion! YAY!!! So, it would've been a good day, but Carlisle and Esme told me I was grounded for six weeks. TRANSLATION: No sex. I also got expelled, so I can't graduate with my class! Sure, I graduated a dozen of times before, but this year was special! Cause this year, I got a pony named Bob! Well, I gotta go. Edward is yelling at me because I gave Bella caffeine and you know what that does. _

_Love,_

_Emmett_

_P.S. I replaced all of Edward's CD's with music from the 70's and country, I know how much he loves those kinds of music! _

_P.P.S. I took all of Edward's old CD's and gave them to the homeless. I also sold his piano to a guy in Switzerland with bad acne. _

**So R&R. This was Emmett's chapter. Every Cullen/Hale will have their own chapter including Bella.**


	2. Edward's Chapter: Poor Mike

**I already put the Disclaimer for the whole story in the first chapter.**

**Today, I… Edward's Chapter**

_Dear Diary,_

_I have no idea why I'm writing in a diary, but Bella said it would help my "Anger Issues." I have no idea what she's talking about- NO!!!! EMMETT GOT RID OF ALL MY MUSIC!!!! I. AM. GOING. TO. KILL. HIM. Really, I am. OH! Those Anger Issues. Bella is so smart. Today in Biology, she got an A+. Mike Newton went up and asked her on a date, but she kicked him in the shins and she told me to step on it. We were laughing the whole way home. Tonight I went to Mike's house and T.P.'d it with Emmett and Jasper. I'm in Bella's room right now. She looks so beautiful when she's sleeping. Hmm, she's starting to talk. WTF is Jacob in her dreams!? AND WHY IS- Oh she's telling him she loves me. Oh, Bella. I love you, Angel._

_Sincerely,_

_Edward._

_P.S. I also kicked Mike Newton "down there"_

_P.P.S. I can't wait for the wedding._


	3. Jasper's Chapter: We're Not Anorexic!

**Today, I… Jasper's Chapter**

_Dear Journal,_

_As much as Alice wishes, I will not call this book a diary. When I was human, if a dude had a "diary" instead of a "journal" they would get beat up. Not much has changed since then. So, today was almost bad. Mr. I-Am-Not-Worthy-To-Be-In-Jasper's-Journal told us we had to get partners for our projects. I would've gotten Alice, but _he_ chose our partners! I got Katie Winslow. She smelled delicious. Wow, that sounds creepy. Anyway, she got a paper cut while trying to pick up her paper. I almost attacked her, in fact, I jumped on her! She was screaming, but Alice came to save me! She pulled me off and told Katie that I had 'roid rage. Other than that, I was good. Mr. Banner sent everyone, excluding Bella, to the counselor Mr. I-do-not-remember-his-name. Mr. Banner was concerned that we were anorexic. So he made us eat 3 days worth of food. I threw up for 4 hours!!!! Emmett snuck onto the campus (he got banned) and threw tomatoes at the students. Edward got mad because he hit Bella with a big tomato, so we had to go back to the counselor to work out Edward's anger issues. Tanya called Edward today. She wanted to know if he and I quote, "Dumped the filthy tramp" her words, not mine. Edward then began saying some not-so-gentlemanly things to her. They were #*# and #*(#!#((#!! Well, I gotta go play some baseball. PEACE!_

_Sincerely,_

_Jasper_

_P.S. I walked in on Edward and Bella kissing. It was weird and awkward._

_P.P.S. I mean _REALLY _awkward. So much lust…_


	4. Carlisle's Chapter: The Talk

**Today, I… Carlisle's Chapter**

_Dear Diary,_

_Man, I hope no one finds out I have a diary. We all know what would happen if the boys found out. Work was bad! Today, a kid threw up on me! He had a temperature of 108 degrees and kept eating unhealthy food like, cake, ice cream, soda, Seth Clearwater… Dr. Gerandy tried to hit on me… Weird, considering Dr. Gerandy is male… Charlie came to see me today. He wanted to know if Edward had a disease that could be transmitted through sexual activity. It was awkward. I told everyone I got a face lift._

_-Carlisle_

_P.S. Bella and Edward are getting serious._

_P.P.S. Note: Sex talk_


	5. Charlie's Chapter: Charlie Deathblade

**For whoever is wondering when the girls are gonna have their entries, I'm doing all the guys' entries first, and then the girls.**

**Today, I... Charlie's Chapter**

_Notepad: This is not a diary. This is a notepad in which I write down all my feelings and secrets. I still can't believe Bella graduated yesterday. I'm so proud. BUT, I ALSO CANNOT BELIEVE SHE IS ENGAGED!!!! TO THE TWERP! She belongs with Jacob!!!! But, she loves him, so I am giving her my blessing. I just hope I'm not a grandpa too fast. I feel like the twerp is in my house when he shouldn't be. Like at night. With Bella. So, I went to the hospital and asked Dr. Cullen if the twerp had a sexual disease. I am a good father. Man, I gotta get a date. Hmm, I think Ms. Cope is available. Eh, desperate times call for desperate measures. Mike Newton came to my house yesterday. He brought a bunch of other gay guys and they started to sing a bunch of boy band songs to "win Bella's heart". I may hate the twerp, but he's better than the gay pre-scholar, AKA Mike. Eh, I gotta go. I think the Twerp is here and I gotta show him whose boss. _

_-Chief Swan_

_P.S. I'm thinking about changing my last name. Swan makes me get beat up by gangsters. Deathblade. Chief Deathblade. Charlie Deathblade. Has a nice ring to it._


	6. Jacob's Chapter: Happy Birthday!

Sigh, I'm sad. "Jasper For The Presidency!" has been nominated #1 worst Twilight fanfic on a Twi-hater website. Ah, well. Here you go.

**Today, I… Jacob's Chapter**

_Dear Diary,_

_Not really sure why my dad gave me a diary. But it had pretty flowers on it, so I LOVE IT! YAY! I. AM. GOING. TO. KILL. THE. LEECH. HE CANNOT MARRY HER! GOD, I THINK I'LL GO EMO!!!!!! I went to the library and found a book about werewolves. It was incorrect so I burned it. I owe $1213782736726 dollars now. Ah, I'll just steal from Billy, I already stole his car, ability to walk, his driver's license…_

_-Jake_

_P.S. I stole Embry's clothes today. He's walking around the rez in his birthday suit looking for them._

_P.P.S. I WILL WIN HER HEART!!!!_


	7. Seth's Chapter: Men's Rights!

**Ok, I know I said I was done with all the guys, but I just wanted to give adorable Seth a chapter, ok!?**

**Today, I… Seth's Chapter**

_Dear Diary,_

_Today I was buying my daily bag of Hot Cheetos when I saw Embry naked! Ew, I didn't need to see his, er, well, four year old pinky sized, um, you know… Anyway, LEAH GOT A BOYFRIEND! Don't believe me? Ha, yeah I don't believe me either. Leah could never get a boyfriend, too many anger issues. Why, she gets angry so much, she almost has no clothes left! That's how many times she explodes into a super cool awesome wolf! So, mom makes me share my clothes with her. Why is it that girls can wear guy clothes and look OK but guys can't wear girl clothes without getting beat up? I shall fight for Men's Rights!!!_

_The one and only,_

_Seth_

_P.S. Leah kicked me in the shins._

_P.P.S. JAKE RAN AWAY TODAY!!!!!!_


	8. Bella's Chapter: Oh, Edward

**FINALLY! Here's a girl chapter! Note: All of this is happening in the course of one day. Imagine how many chapters are in one month. BTW, when I say Jacob ran away, it isn't the time at the end of Eclipse. This is set during Eclipse.**

**Today, I… Bella's Chapter**

_Dear Diary,_

_I'm usually not the type to write in a diary, but I decided it would be best if I let all of my feelings down. Gosh, I hope Edward stays out. I write REALLY embarrassing things. I graduated today. Whoopdy doo. Jake ran away, only to be found in a strip club twenty miles away. Billy was going to ground him, but Jake pushed Billy into the ocean. Don't worry, the coast guard found him. I cannot believe Carlisle gave us THE TALK. I've had the talk with Renee, Charlie, Mrs. Newton (She though I was involved with her son), Mr. Banner, my aunt, my cousin, my third cousin on my mother's side nine times removed, my- I could go on for hours. Ew, he used a banana to demonstrate! Then he used a bag of Funyons… HE ALSO USED CLINICAL TERMS!!! Ew, I'm scarred for life. But I did laugh when he said this:_

"_She WILL bleed, Edward. Human or not your (INSERT CLINICAL TERM HERE) will break through. She will bleed, and it will hurt. That is, if she's a virgin…" I blushed!_

"_Wait, what? WHY WOULDN'T SHE BE A VIRGIN? WHAT!? I MEAN, WHEN WE WERE… gone SHE AND JACOB WERE JUST FRIENDS! GOSH, I…"_

_It went on for about an hour. Oh, Edward. _

_-Bella_

_P.S. I love you._

_P.P.S. I know you're going to read this, Edward. So, just so you know, I am, in fact, a virgin._


	9. Alice's Chapter: That's A Long Time

**WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Are you as excited for**_** New Moon**_** as I am!? If you're not, SCREW YOU!!! Oh, that was unladylike. Please forgive my rudeness.**

**Today, I… Alice's Chapter**

_Dear Diary, _

_Today, I had the funniest vision! Carlisle gave Edward and Bella THE TALK. Jazzy went bezerk and almost killed Katie Winslow, but I calmed him down. Such a shame, it would've been a whole year Jasper hadn't tried to murder our fellow classmates! Every time he makes it through a whole year, he gets a treat. _; ) _If you know what I mean. While I was passing the Boy's Restroom, I heard the most disturbing sound. I think Mike was… well, RELIEVING himself, if you know what I mean. Shudder, I'm scarred for life. That's a long time._

_The One and Only,_

_Mary Alice Brandon Cullen_

_P.S. Why did I use my full name? Lol._


	10. Rosalie's Chapter: That Thing Was A

**Today, I... Rosalie's Chapter**

_Dear Diary,_

_Today, Emmett got arrested. He gave someone a concussion. Again. I wonder what we'll do with him. I think my relationship with Bella has become better, if not worse. Ever since I explained myself, we've reached a new level of understanding. Anyway, today in History, I got in trouble for correcting the teacher. Again. It's not MY fault he didn't read the damn book! I'm supposed to be in detention right now, but I convinced the teacher otherwise. ;) He-he. Emmett also blew up Bella's truck. Good, that thing was a piece of- sorry, Eddie's reading over my shoulder-... Well, I gotta go brush my hair again for the forty-second time._

_The One and Only,_

_Rosalie Lillian Hale_

**Review, review**

**Yes, yes, you!**

**I really want**

**A LOT OF REVIEWS**

**Because Fanfiction is just my debut**

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	11. Esme's Chapter: Bug Infested Candy!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I even have proof.**

Owner of Twilight

**X **Stephenie Meyer 

Owner

**Today, I… Esme's Chapter**

_Dear Diary,_

_Emmett got arrested. Again. It was even more awkward than usual because this time Charlie arrested him. Anyway, Carlisle forgot our anniversary. HOW IN GOD GREEN'S EARTH DID HE FORGET OUR ANNIVERSARY??? Well, I'll punish him later. And, no, not in a sexual way, you perverts. Michael Newton, Mike's dad, hit on me today at the grocery store… I JUST WANTED TO GET 'CAPTAIN CRUNCH' FOR MY SON'S GIRLFRIEND AND THIS IS WHAT I GET!? SEXUALLY ASSAULTED!? I'm calling Karen Newton… Carlisle seemed… tense… Hmm, maybe it's because a male doctor hit on him. No, that's not it. Gas prices rose to twenty dollars a gallon!!!!!! No, I'm totally kidding. Ah, I remember when candy only cost 5 cents. Of course, I couldn't eat it, but it was such a great price, I made it all into a candy house! Hmm… maybe I'll take Bella there… _

_Sincerely, _

_Esme _

_P.S. Oh, I won't take Bella there. That candy's got to be seventy years old…_

**Ok, well, I guess I'm done with the girls… So, next chapter's got to be the guys. Who should go first? Eslisle seems to think Seth should go first…**


	12. Bella's Chapter: My Love Does It Good

**OMG, I am SOOOOOOOO soooorrrrrryyyy for not updating in such a long time! My family didn't have internet anymore because of money issues but my mom decided I needed the internet too much for school so I got it back! Anyway, here is another one of Bella's chapters! P.S. I'm supposed to be writing an essay on Capital Punishment that I had two weeks to do that is due tomorrow that I haven't even started and it's like 10: 30 PM. I'll make this quick!**

**Today, I… Bella's Chapter**

_Dear Diary,_

_I'm not sure what's wrong with Edward. Ever since Carlisle had THE TALK with him and me he's been looking at me funny. Yesterday I walked in on him half naked singing Paul McCartney's "My Love". I don't know what's wrong with him! I hope it's not serious. If Edward were a Llama his name would be Mr. Llama Pants. Tee hee! Emmett gave me a Monster drink. I gave you blood, blood, gallons of the stuff, I gave you all that you could drink and it has never been enough… Oh, I found out that Jacob pushed Billy into the ocean again because Billy called Jacob a fat whore. ISN'T THAT FUNNY? Oh, I remember how Edward, in the early days of our relationship, would push me off of cliffs and try to sing threatening nine one one calls to me! Ah, love in it's many different forms. Shane Dawson is hot. I told that to Edward. I hope Shane is still alive by tomorrow._

_-Bella_

_P.S. MYYYY LOOOOVVVE DOES IT GGGGOOOOOODDDD_

**Sorry. I am going to write about prisoners now.**


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